Reflecting on Life  反思生活

机器翻译自：https://lucumr.pocoo.org/2024/12/26/reflecting-on-life/

Reflecting on Life  反思生活
written on Thursday, December 26, 2024
写于2024年12月26日，星期四
Last year I decided that I want to share my most important learnings about engineering, teams and quite frankly personal mental health. My hope is that those who want to learn from me find it useful. This is a continuation to this.
去年，我决定要分享我关于工程，团队和坦率个人心理健康的最重要的学习。我希望那些想向我学习的人会发现它有用。这是一个延续。
Over the years, I've been asked countless times: “What advice would you give to young programmers or engineers?” For the longest time, I struggled to answer. I wasn't sure I had anything definitive or profound to offer. And truthfully, even now, I'm not convinced I have enough answers. But as I've reflected on my journey to here, I've formulated some ideas that I believe are worth sharing — if only to provide a bit of guidance to those just starting out. For better or worse, I think those things are applicable regardless of profession.
多年来，我被问到无数次：“您会给年轻的程序员或工程师有什么建议？”在最长的时间里，我努力回答。我不确定我有任何确定的或深刻的东西。说实话，即使是现在，我也不相信我有足够的答案。但是，正如我在到达这里的旅途中所反映的那样，我提出了一些我认为值得分享的想法，即使只是为刚起步的人提供了一些指导。无论好坏，我认为无论专业如何，这些事情都是适用的。
My core belief is that fulfillment and happiness comes from deliberate commitment to meaningful work, relationships, and personal growth and purpose. I don't claim that these things can be replicated, but they worked for me and some others, so maybe they can be of use for you.
我的核心信念是，成就和幸福来自对有意义的工作，人际关系以及个人成长和目标的故意承诺。我没有声称这些事情可以被复制，但是它们为我和其他一些东西工作，所以也许它们可以对您有用。
Put Time In  花点时间
Putting time into work and skills — and by that truly investing oneself — is always worth it.
将时间投入工作和技能 - 通过真正的投资 - 总是值得的。
Whether it's working on a project, solving a difficult problem, or even refining soft skills like communication, the act of showing up and putting in the hours is essential. Practice makes perfect, but more so it's all about progress rather than perfection. Each hour you spend iterating, refining, failing and retrying brings you closer to excellence. It doesn't always feel that way in the moment but when you look back at what you did before, you will see your progress. And that act of looking back, and seeing how you improved, is immensely rewarding and in turn makes you enjoy your work.
无论是在项目上工作，解决困难的问题，甚至精炼诸如沟通之类的软技能，出现和投入工作的行为都是必不可少的。实践是完美的，但更重要的是进步而不是完美。您每小时都会迭代，精炼，失败和重试，使您更加接近卓越。并非总是有这种感觉，但是当您回头看自己之前所做的事情时，您会看到自己的进步。回顾过去和了解自己的进步方式，这是非常有益的，进而使您享受工作。
I did not start out enjoying programming, not at all. I had a friend in school who was just better than me at everything. It felt demotivating. Programming turned out to be a necessary tool that I had to build things and to share with others, and through that, I eventually ended up enjoying it.
我没有开始享受编程，一点也不。我在学校里有一个朋友，他在一切方面都比我好。感觉很沮丧。编程原来是我必须建立东西并与他人分享的必要工具，通过此，我最终最终享受了它。
There is a narrative that working hard is inherently bad for your health or that long hours lead to burnout. I disagree. It's not about how many hours you put in, but about the enjoyment and quality of the work you're doing. Still some of my most favorite memories were some all-nighters I did when I was younger working on something. It wasn't even necessarily on projects that ended up meaningful or successful, but it was the act in itself. When you find joy in what you're building in the moment, work does not feel like a burden. Instead it feels exciting and exhilarating. These memories, that some might describe as unhealthy are some of my most pleasant ones.
有一种叙述是，努力工作对您的健康或长时间的倦怠是有害的。我不同意。这不是您投入多少小时，而是关于您所做的工作的享受和质量。我最喜欢的一些回忆仍然是我年轻的事情时所做的一些全夜。甚至不一定在最终获得有意义或成功的项目上，而是行为本身。当您在当下的建立中找到快乐时，工作就不是负担。相反，它令人兴奋和令人振奋。我最愉快的记忆可能形容为不健康。
Work And The Man  工作和男人
The key isn't avoiding hard work but finding meaning in it. Practice and effort, when coupled with a sense of purpose, not only make you better at what you do but also make the journey itself fulfilling. There is one catch however, and that is that your payout should not just be your happiness in the moment, but it should be long lasting.
关键不是避免努力工作，而是在其中找到意义。练习和努力，加上目标感时，不仅会使您在自己的工作中变得更好，而且使旅程本身变得充实。但是，有一个收获，那就是您的支出不仅应该是您的幸福，而且应该持久。
The best way to completely destroy your long term satisfaction is if the effort you are putting into something is not reciprocated or the nature of the work feels meaningless. It's an obvious privilege to recommend that one shall not work for exploitative employers but you owe yourself to get this right. With time you build trust in yourself, and the best way to put this trust to use, is to break out of exploitative relationships.
完全破坏长期满意度的最佳方法是，如果您付出的努力不是回报，或者工作的本质毫无意义。明显的特权是建议一个人不适合剥削性雇主，而是要自己做正确的事。随着时间的流逝，您建立对自己的信任，以及将这种信任使用的最佳方法是摆脱剥削关系。
If you end up doing things you do not believe in, it will get to you. It will not just demotivate you and make you unhappy at work, it will eventually make every hour you spent miserable and eventually get to your health.
如果您最终做自己不相信的事情，那将会得到您。它不仅会使您振作起来，并使您对工作感到不满意，最终将使您度过痛苦并最终保持健康。
Other than sleeping, work is what you spent the most time with for a significant portion of your life. If that is not fulfilling a core pillar of what can provide happiness is not supporting you. I have seen people advocate for just not caring to fix the work aspect, instead to work less and spend more free time. I have not found that to work for me. Work needs to be fulfilling, even if work is just a few hours a day.
除了睡觉之外，工作是您一生中大部分时间花费的时间。如果那不符合可以提供幸福的核心支柱，那就是不支持您。我已经看到人们倡导只是不关心修复工作方面，而要减少工作并花费更多的空闲时间。我还没有发现这对我有用。即使每天工作只有几个小时，工作也需要实现。
Dare To Commit  奉献
Life isn't about sampling everything; it’s about making deliberate choices and committing to the ones that matter. You don't need to date twenty people to find the right partner, nor do you need a network of hundred acquaintances to succeed. Similarly, you don't need to work at ten different companies to build a meaningful career. Those things can be hugely beneficial, don't get me wrong, but you can do more with less too. When you focus on taking one step at a time, choosing the best option available to you in that moment you can accomplish great things. Feel free to look to others for inspiration, but do not to compare what they have versus what you don't. Nothing good will come from that. Everyone's journey is unique, shaped by the opportunities they encounter and the paths they decide to follow. Value grows not with the breadth of options explored but with the depth of commitment to the path you've chosen.
生活并不是要抽样所有内容。这是关于做出故意选择并致力于重要的选择。您无需约会二十个人即可找到合适的合作伙伴，也不需要一个熟人的网络才能成功。同样，您也无需在十个不同的公司工作即可建立有意义的职业。这些事情可能会非常有益，不要误会我的意思，但是您也可以少做更多的事情。当您专注于一次迈出一步时，在那一刻选择最佳选择，您可以完成伟大的事情。随意寻找灵感，但不要比较他们所拥有的，而不是您所没有的东西。没有什么好处。每个人的旅程都是独一无二的，它们构成了他们遇到的机会以及他们决定遵循的道路。价值不是随着探索选项的广度而增长的，而是对您选择的道路的承诺深度。
Just as mastering a skill pays dividends, so does committing on your personal or professional journey. Even if the world around you shifts — like the rise of AI in software engineering — your experience and expertise aren't wasted. Your gained experience makes it much easier for you to adjust course and it will give you the necessary trust in yourself. It allows to leverage what you've learned in new ways. While it's true that choosing from limited options might not always lead to the “best” possible outcome, the time and effort you invest in your chosen path can often outweigh the hypothetical gains of a different choice. In many cases, mastery and fulfillment come not from chasing endless possibilities but from fully embracing the one path you're on and making it your own.
就像掌握技能一样，您可以在您的个人或专业旅程中承诺。即使您周围的世界发生了变化，例如AI在软件工程中的兴起，您的经验和专业知识也不会浪费。您获得的经验使您更容易调整课程，这将使您对自己的必要信任。它允许以新的方式利用您学到的知识。确实，从有限的选项中进行选择可能并不总是会导致“最佳”可能的结果，但您在所选路径上投入的时间和精力通常会超过不同选择的假设收益。在许多情况下，精通和成就不是源于追求无尽的可能性，而是完全拥抱您所走的一条道路并自己制作自己的道路。
Date to Marry  约会
To me this happened through a lucky accident but it's something I strongly believe in. I'm an agnostic, I don't hold strong religious beliefs but I do believe in the purpose of and benefits of a lasting marriage. When my wife and I met I did not think I was in a position in my life where I had interest, desire or necessity in a deep relationship, let alone to marry. We did not live in the same country when we met and we had a long distance relationship for almost a year. That kind of relationship (particularly when visa issues are involved) has one incredible benefit: you really have to commit to your relationship. It's expensive and you spend a lot of time talking and sharing intimate thoughts. It also forces you to make a concious decision if the two of you believe it's worth continuing. You don't have the option to just “test drive” it. It forces you to figure out all the hard things upfront. Career, values, ambitions, children, the whole thing. That's a very different experience to swiping right and see what comes from it.
对我来说，这是通过一场幸运的事故发生的，但这是我坚信的事情。我是不可知论的，我没有强烈的宗教信仰，但我确实相信持久婚姻的目的和利益。当我和妻子见面时，我并不认为我在生活中有兴趣，欲望或必要的生活中的位置，更不用说结婚了。当我们相遇时，我们没有住在同一个国家，并且我们有远距离的关系将近一年。这种关系（尤其是在涉及签证问题的情况下）具有一个令人难以置信的好处：您确实必须致力于自己的关系。这很昂贵，您花了很多时间谈论和分享亲密的想法。如果你们两个人认为值得继续，它也会迫使您做出一个刻薄的决定。您无需仅“测试驱动器”。它迫使您预先找出所有艰难的事情。职业，价值观，野心，孩子，整个事情。正确地刷卡并查看它的出现是完全不同的经历。
That one year of intensive dating changed me. I started to recognize the benefits of committing to something on a much deeper level. It taught me that vulnerability and opening yourself up can be a beautiful thing. It showed me that there was a whole part to myself I did not look into. It showed me that really committing to something, opens up a whole new world of opportunity and it allowed us to really invest into our relationship.
那一年的密集约会改变了我。我开始意识到要在更深层次的水平上承诺做事的好处。它告诉我，脆弱性和开放自己可能是一件美丽的事情。它向我展示了我自己没有看的整个部分。它向我展示了真正致力于某事，打开了一个全新的机会世界，这使我们能够真正投资于我们的关系。
When you commit to your partner fully you get a lot in the process. Yes, there are risks and while you're dating, you need to figure these things out. You need to know on a fundamental level that the person you're dating is going to be the one you want to be with for a lifetime. That's not easy, because no human is perfect. Yet if that is the goal, you can poke at the parts where dragons can be. Only in situations of stress and challenge will you truly find out how the other person works and if that works for you.
当您完全致力于伴侣时，您将在此过程中得到很多收益。是的，有风险，在约会时，您需要弄清楚这些问题。您需要在一个基本层面上知道您约会的人将是您一生中想要与之在一起的人。这并不容易，因为没有人是完美的。但是，如果这是目标，您可以戳在龙可以的部分。只有在压力和挑战的情况下，您才能真正找出对方的工作原理以及是否对您有用。
I have heard people talk about “going to IKEA” for a date. I think that's a brilliant idea. Imagining a life together and struggling a bit through conflict and resolution is exactly the right way to go about it.
我听说人们谈论“去宜家”约会。我认为这是一个绝妙的主意。想象在一起的生活并通过冲突和解决方案努力挣扎是正确的方法。
Having Children  有孩子
Very few things have so profoundly changed me as our first child.
像我们的第一个孩子一样，很少有事情能够极大地改变我。
Seeing children grow up is such a moving experience. I enjoy being with them in moments of achievements or sadness alike and I love when they surprise me in the morning with their newfound wisdom or after school with their proud achievements. It's fun to play with them, to help them learn new things and you can do things together you haven't done since your own childhood.
看到孩子长大是一种动人的经历。我喜欢在成就或悲伤的时刻与他们在一起，当他们早上以新发现的智慧或放学后以他们骄傲的成就使我感到惊讶时，我也很喜欢。与他们一起玩，帮助他们学习新事物很有趣，并且您可以一起做自己的童年以来就没有做的事情。
I'm lucky to have kids. I grew up in a society that has largely painted a pretty dark picture about having children but I do not share those views. We knew we wanted children and I'm glad we didn't wait. You can't cheat nature on this thing and at the present state of scientific development, things still are much harder if you try to have children late.
我很幸运有孩子。我在一个在很大程度上描绘了有孩子的深色画面的社会中长大，但我没有分享这些观点。我们知道我们想要孩子，我很高兴我们没有等待。您不能在这件事上欺骗大自然，并且在科学发展的现状中，如果您试图迟到孩子，事情仍然会更加困难。
Nothing will ever be perfect. There were sleepless nights, there are the sicknesses that come in autumn with daycare and school. You need to arrange things in different ways than you were used to. You will hear a lot from parents and educators about what is is like to have children but the reality however is that I don't think it's possible to know how it is to have kids until you do. In a way you have to jump into the cold water and there is no going back.
没有什么会是完美的。有不眠之夜，有疾病是随着日托和学校的秋天而来的。您需要以与习惯不同的方式安排事情。您会从父母和教育者那里听到很多关于生孩子的感觉，但是现实是，我认为直到您这样做才有可能如何生孩子。从某种意义上说，您必须跳入冷水，没有回头路。
There are some important prerequisites though, but I think differently about them now then I did before. I don't think that you need a lot of money or a stable career, but you need to have your marriage and house in order. The most important thing I learned about having children is that you first and foremost need to take care of yourself. Any stress you experience, you will pass on to your children and it will harm them in the process. This is really important. There are lots of dysfunctional households and bad parents and you should not have children if you can't take care of yourself.
不过，有一些重要的先决条件，但是我现在对它们有所不同。我认为您不需要很多钱或稳定的职业，但是您需要安排婚姻和房屋。我学到的关于生孩子的最重要的事情是，您首先需要照顾好自己。您遇到的任何压力，您都会传递给孩子，这将在此过程中损害他们。这真的很重要。有很多功能失调的家庭和坏父母，如果您不能照顾好自己，您就不应该生孩子。
Those are the important parts, but then there are superficial issues. I almost entirely opted out of reading parental advise books because I could feel how they stress me out. I found it easier to take on challenges as they arrive naturally. If you have a loving relationship with your spouse you can extend that to your children and learn how to deal with challenges calmly (or as calmly as you can). You need to be there for each other. Your children will not become more successful because you mastered breast feeding on day one or if you taught them sign language before they can talk. They will however be significantly better off if you can jump on a moment's notice to take care of your spouse or child when something goes wrong.
这些是重要的部分，但后来存在肤浅的问题。我几乎完全选择了阅读父母建议书籍，因为我能感觉到他们对我的压力。我发现，在自然到达时承担挑战更容易。如果您与配偶有爱的关系，则可以将其扩展到您的孩子，并学习如何平静地应对挑战（或尽可能平静）。你们需要彼此在一起。您的孩子不会变得更成功，因为您在第一天就掌握了母乳喂养，或者如果您在说话之前就教了他们的手语。但是，如果您可以在出现问题时稍加注意，请注意配偶或孩子，他们会变得更好。
Our experience is unlikely to be your experience, but there are some things that are shared among parents. You grow above yourself when all the sudden become fully responsible for another human being and you can't opt out of it. It also invites you to reflect on yourself more and how you came to be the person that you are. I also don't think it makes you any less ambitious, but it changes how you define success for yourself. Your horizon opens up and it really makes you think more about the totality of your family rather than yourself.
我们的经验不太可能是您的经验，但是有些事情在父母之间分享。当突然对另一个人完全负责，而您不能退出它时，您就会超越自己。它还邀请您更多地反思自己，以及如何成为自己的人。我也认为这不会使您雄心勃勃，但它改变了您为自己定义成功的方式。您的地平线打开了，这确实使您更多地考虑了家庭的总体而不是您自己。

My life isn't about perfection or constantly chasing what's next; it's about being present and committing to the things that matter. This is also what I'm passing on to my children. Whatever your journey may look like, I hope you find joy, purpose, and the courage to commit fully to it and that you found something useful in my writings.
我的生活与完美无关，也不是不断追逐下一步的事情。这是关于在场并致力于重要的事情。这也是我传给我的孩子的东西。无论您的旅程外观如何，希望您能找到充分承诺的喜悦，目的和勇气，并发现您的著作中有用的东西。